Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Can a platonic relationship really exist between two lesbians?

Is a platonic relationship between two lesbians possible, or is it just something one wants to believe in? Can two lesbians be good friends and only that, or is there always someone who wants more? For myself, I have had bad luck when it comes to relationships with lesbians. I have found that there is always someone with different intentions from the other.

I once had a friend of many years tell me that she loved me; thinking of course that she meant as a friend, I told her that I loved her as well, as a friend, but she did not like my response. Over time however, I *thought* I had feelings for her too. So I figured why not, she loves me just as I am so why not see if it could work? After all, she was my best friend and truly amazing. We lasted 6 weeks together. I ended it because I found the transition from friends to lovers too difficult. We are no longer friends; she determined that she couldn't keep seeing me because it was too difficult for her and consequently, I wasn't interested in the guilt trip she inevitably made me suffer so that was the end of that. This is not the first lesbian friend that I made this mistake with. I am no longer friends with her either. Again I ended it and she didn't take too kindly to the rejection at all. Fair enough I guess.

It is interesting to realise that someone can feel a totally different way than you do, and it never even crosses your mind. This happens quite frequently, and friendships have been ruined, or brought to a new level, as a result of one person feeling differently from the other. People can be led on, and lead people on unknowingly. People only see the things they want to see and sometimes are blinded by their emotions. One-sided love or affection can completely ruin relationships, as it did mine (two of mine). It seems impossible for two lesbians to be friends. It appears that the only reason why lesbians socialise with each other is for the possibility, albeit slight, of an intimate relationship. Lesbians generally think about sex while speaking to other lesbians, and furthermore, are incapable of relationships with them.

Why is this I ask? Is it because as lesbians we feel that there is only limited choices out there? Is it because the pool is so small that we are forced to settle for second best? Do we just jump at the opportunity to delve into a relationship just because she's nice and we don't think we can do any better? Not every lesbian will share this feeling surely, but how many do? I now remain deeply cynical in the possibility of a relationship between two lesbians. An essential component in the friendship between two lesbians is the absence of sex. Sex is not allowed in friendships. 'Friends with benefits' does not work. Sex changes everything; once you have sex, you have crossed the line and brought the relationship to an entirely different level. At this stage, it is virtually impossible to revert back to the 'way it was'. So my new year's resolution (or shall I say, mid year's resolution) is NOT to shag my friends!