Let's face it, ever since the days of Sapphos, lesbians have entered relationships at warp speed.
There's the age old running joke Q: "What does a lesbian bring on the second date?" A: "A U-Haul" and for some reason, all lesbians are guilty of going through this at least once in their dating lives.
I have to admit, I’ve been in two of these types of relationships myself. Most of us have at least once I think.
So what's the big deal, you ask? While the concept of dating can seem overwhelming or scary to many of us, the big deal is that U-Haul relationships don't ever seem to last and are not very satisfying in the long term. Worst yet, the process of ending one can be incredibly painful – speaking from experience of course!
Let me set the scene. You meet someone out one night – say at a club while busting your groove on the dance floor or while sipping on the latest coffee combo at a snug little coffee shop. You chat for a bit and then exchange a couple of flirtatious glances and slight nudges. She gives you her number, you give her yours. Maybe a week later (you’ve talked every night since) you’ve got those tingles in your fingertips every time you think about her and those butterflies swarming around in your stomach. She’s become the hot topic of conversation with all of your friends. Ah, you think… it might even be love. Suddenly your level head turns to mush, all rational decisions go out the window and you take the next “logical” step to further your relationship … you move in together.
Sound familiar?
This is the pattern that so many lesbian relationships adhere to for some odd reason and it has even become the norm. I’ve observed this pattern time and time again. It gets exploited in lesbian stories, television shows, and movies – so much so that you’d think we would have learned from it. But yet, the U-Haul still gets packed up without an inkling of hesitation.
When two women come together, there’s often an overwhelming connection.
I think because women are more emotional than men we look to have our needs met right away. When women feel nurtured and safe, we often don’t want to ever let that feeling go and it seems that we will feel that way forever. I call this period the “honeymoon” period because everything is hazy, wonderful and perfect.
Lesbians form intense emotional connections quicker than their heterosexual counterparts, and they jump into living together because of an inborn "urge to merge". This urge, which is not particular to lesbians alone, occurs when two people lose themselves in each other to the point that they lose their own individuality. They begin talking alike, dressing alike, displaying the same mannerisms, ideals and opinions. Eventually they become too codependent to function alone. Wikipeida.org says: "It has been theorized that this [U-Haul] "phenomenon" is used by lesbians as an escape from the risks involved with dating. That aversion to the risks with dating is linked to the stunted development of intimate relationships during the teenage years for most gays and lesbians who are normally in the closet at this time. With the freedom of adulthood, lesbians are drawn to the "U-Haul" relationships and the instant gratification and intimacy they create."
So what's up with lesbians and their tendency to progress in a relationship at lighting speed? Well, there are a few theories that I would like to discuss.
Theory 1 - The low-income theory
This theory targets the younger lesbian population, either students or recently graduated lesbians who have recently entered the working world. These women usually find themselves in crappy entry-level jobs which pay slightly over the poverty line. So if lesbian 1 happens upon a lady caller of interest, it immediately becomes apparent to her that having said lady move in would subsequently reduce their rent by 50% with the sharing of living costs. This would make paying for their already too-pricey apartment a lot easier on the wallet. With that said, the lady being courted might be encouraged rather rapidly to pack up her U-Haul and move on in.
Theory 2 - The ugly theory
The ugly theory is simple, so I won't waste too much of your time here. It targets lesbians who feel they are ugly and find they have to compensate for their perceived ugliness with a really fantastic personality. This breed of lesbian's fear of rejection and the idea of never finding true love may lead to slight delirium. In these cases, the delirium may cause the lesbian to attach themselves to the first woman that shows a vested interest in them. This can lead to attached-at-the-hip-syndrome and ultimately cause the delirious lesbian to invite their new girlfriend to move in as soon as possible. This false sense of security that comes with the idea that if you live with your girlfriend, than you must be in a stable long-term relationship. Given the reality of how lesbian drama in these circumstances usually plays out, this situation almost always ends up in tragedy for the not-so-happily married couple.
Theory 3 - The first girlfriend theory
This theory is for everyone, whether you dated guys first (unfortunately) or you have only been with girls, if you're a lesbian you had to start somewhere and that somewhere was your first girlfriend. Whether you spent just a few short weeks, or many long years together, there is no denying that they were probably some of the most intense moments of your life. You probably stopped calling all your friends, had more sex than you ever imagined possible, and disappeared off the face of the earth (and this is all within the first month). And with all those endorphins flowing, who could resist jumping on the bandwagon and getting your own place together? So the U-Haul pulls up and for a few months, all is happy in paradise, and then reality sets in. The true colors shine and you pack up your U-Haul and flee the nest in search of your next great love. Don't worry though, you'll certainly never forget your first girlfriend, you'll also never make that mistake again.
So here I will conclude this segment on theories of the lesbian U-Haul phenomena. The next time you're ready to pack up your stuff and run off with your new girlfriend, stop and think about your motives. Is it because she makes enough money to cover the cost of living and pay for the groceries? Or is it because you are simply too scared to be alone?
